Why the Hokage Takes Meds
by KyoSan93
Summary: Kyuubi And Minato Namikaze are brothers with children, Kyuubi has twins and Minato is about to have Naruto. But a certain mad man shows just in time to mess everything up. OCxTemarixIruka, ItachixOCxAnko, NaruHina.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Far away from the village of Konoha, just outside the place where Naruto was being spawned, Minato was pacing as he was for his older brother. After five minutes of pacing, he (overdramatically) fell to his knees, looked up at the ceiling and yelled (one again, overdramatically), "Damn it! Nii-san, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Directly after this rather… overdramatic moment (-_-'), Minato's brother and his brother's two twin children appeared in a flurry of black flames and silver sparkles.

"Kyuubi-nii! Where the fuck were you?" (A/N: yes people they're brothers. Anyone who has a problem with that can… *demonic voice* go to the empty void for all eternity! *normal voice*plez continue reading and hav a nice day. ^_^)

Kyuubi's children both grinned wickedly. The girl smirked and said, "oooooh! Uncle Minato said fuck!" in a sing-song voice while the boy started singing, "fuck fuck fuck. Motha motha fuck, motha motha fuck fuck." Kyuubi shook his head and bitch slapped the two five year olds in the back of their heads.

"Well, baby brother, I was picking these two up from day-care so they could meet their new baby cousin!' the tall, red- haired man said with a bright, sparkly, (and somewhat creepy) grin, which chilled Minato's soul.

"R-right…" Minato said uncomfortably.

"Ahh! It hurts soo GOOD!" Kushina screamed like she was having the most mind-blowing orgasm she ever had, with ecstasy. Thank god it wasn't like a Haruno (banshee*cough*whores*cough*).

"AUNTY KU-KU!" Haruhi said the female kitsune twin. Both twins looked at each other sinisterly. At the same time, they pulled their sleeves over their hands, and brought their hands to their mouths, "Kukukukukukuku…"

This laughter brought shivers down Minato's spine. He looked to Kyuubi, "Yeah, they're defiantly yours."

Kyuubi just grinned back in that creepy way of his, when, all of a sudden, a kunai flew right past his head and stuck in the wall behind him. The two brothers turned and saw Madara Uchiha, with an orange swirly mask on. It kinda looked like a lollipop.

"CANADIAN CANDYMAN!" screamed the twins. (A/N: I have nothing against any Canadians, it just sounded funny, I swear! See? It rhymes!)

"Kyo, Haruhi, go help Aunt Kushina with Naruto", Kyuubi said.

"Can I still lick Candy man's face?" Kyo asked. Haruhi giggled insanely, Minato and aforementioned "Candy man" sweat dropped.

"No, but you can take a bite out of it" Kyuubi replied.

"YES!"

Suddenly, an extra-large medieval cannon popped into existence. Kyo jumped in and Haruhi pulled the string.

**BOOM**

"KYO ROCKET!" Haruhi announced.

Kyo flew at an amazing speed, with his mouth open, towards Madara. Madara didn't have a chance… until he went all ghost-like. Kyo flew right through Madara and flew right into the wall. Everybody winced, except Kyuubi and Haruhi, who laughed. (Author #2: Of course! Laugh at my expense! Fuckin' hurt like hell!)

"Um, Haruhi, take your brother and go into Kushina's room, quickly please". Minato asked.

"HI, Uncle Minato!" said Haruhi, doing a mock salute. She then proceeded to drag Kyo, by his foot, into Kushina's room, closing and locking the door.

~~Haruhi's/Kyo's POV~~

Haruhi sat in a chair with her brother, who was unconscious, and kicked her feet in an absent-mindedly, cheerful manner. Kushina was swearing and moaning in painful pleasure, effectively teaching the young girl some new words. Kyo woke up about ten minutes into the tirade and was soon taught the pretty words and new forms of torture, which he planned to repeat – in detail – to his father. The doctor stood between Kushina's legs (A2: Oh my, Naughty Naughty!), laughing maniacally at her, normally inappropriate for young children, phrases while starting a conversation with the two children.

"So… what activities are you two going to do with him once he's born?" asked the odd doctor.

"Dip him in acid…" Kyo started.

"…perform genetic experiments on him…" Haruhi continued.

"…see how he reacts to Orochi-pedo…"

The twins looked at each other, then back at the doctor and smiled evilly, "… you know, normal kid stuff!"

The doctor didn't hear them correctly, over the sensual screams, and mistook them for ACTUAL NORMAL kids stuff. "Mhm, that's nice. Now push Kushina-sama. Push!"

"OH, KAMI! THE PAIN! IT'S SO GOOD, DON'T MAKE IT STOP! AHHHHH!"

Cries from a baby filled the air. (A2: ah the miracle of child birth… at first it seems like a wonderful thing, then after awhile it feels like a parasite is living off of you and 9 months later, it pops out in the most painful way possible… OH! I'M SORRY! THAT WOULD BE OROCHIMARU-TEME!)

"Congratulations, Kushina-sama, it's a boy!"

Kushina, too tired to talk, motioned for the doctor to bring the bra- I mean baby over. After he handed her the baby, the doctor left, noticing that Kushina was smiling the entire time. All of a sudden, the sounds of a revving chainsaw, pneumatic nail gun, and a floating baby head (A2: …I-I don't know what to say…) coming from the other side of the door caught everybody's attention.

Muffled voices came from the other side of the room that sounded like, "I'm going to chomp you to pieces, you fucking red-eyed, black-haired, gay emo bitch!" "I got him, hurry Minato!""Suck it, bitch!" "GAH! I'll be back! But before I go…" "FUCK!" Kyuubi! Somebody open the door! NOW!"

Kyo jumped up and ran to the door and opened it to reveal Minato kneeling over a severely wounded Kyuubi. Both twins ran over to him. Haruhi glared at Minato, "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HIM!"

Haruhi jumped up and pointed accusingly at him, "LIES!"

"He's gonna die if you don't let me do anything!"

"Haru, he's right." Kyo said while restraining her from attacking Minato.

Haruhi's ears and tail drooped in defeat, "okay…"

Minato ran to Kyuubi to see what he could do. After a couple minutes of inspecting Kyuubi's wounds, he deduced that he only had one option.

"WELL?" Kyo screamed, the suspense was killing him.

"I can help but I need you to do something for me in return." Minato told Kyuubi.

"Name it."

"I need you to watch over Kushina and Naruto. I'm going to be sealing him into you, and the process is lethal to the user."

Kyuubi sighed. "there isn't another way, is there?"

"None that I know of."

"Well, shit. I'll do it, but you wouldn't have had to ask. I'll miss you, baby brother."

"I'll miss you too." Said Minato, in a sad tone. He turned to the twins handing them two scrolls: one red, one blue. "I want you two to give these scrolls to Kushina. The red one is a letter to her, the blue one is to Naruto."

The twins nodded to him, with teary eyes, before they took the scrolls and hugged him (well, his legs, but that's beside the point). "Bye-bye, Uncle Minato."

"Goodbye Haruhi, Kyo. Take good care of your aunt and cousin, alright?" said Minato, hugging them back.

"Uh-huh." They said in unison. Disengaging from the hug, they walked over to their father. Kyuubi pulled them into a big hug. Then, he looked into their eyes, "you two take care of each other. Kyo, make sure your sister doesn't get hurt. Haruhi, make sure your brother doesn't do anything obscenely foolish. And stay in your human forms around non-family members, alright?"(A/N2: ah, he's such a loving father ain't he?)

After getting nods from each of them, he hugged them tight again and kissed them on their foreheads and said, "I will see you two as soon as possible." He turned to Minato," do it."

Minato, after quickly going into the other from and picking up Naruto from an over-pleasured, unconscious Kushina, started the hand-seals, while he had a shadow clone draw the seal on the baby's stomach. Five minutes later, the sealing was finished and Minato was dead (A/N2: Shini-chan took his body). The twins picked up the scrolls and baby Naruto, and bought him back to Kushina. After putting baby Naru back into her arms, the twins took a blanket out of nowhere, cuddled up together at the foot of the bed, and went to sleep. They were found several hours later by ANBU and the council.


	2. Omake 1

**Omake 1**

October 31, 12 A.K. (After Kyuubi) – 08:50 PM - Konohagakure

Haruhi and Kyo were just hanging out in a local dango shop with Anko.

October 31, 1693 – 08:25 PM – Salem, Massachusetts

Outside of an old cottage, a mob is gathered (rather unnecessary, in my opinion) around three sister witches whose necks are in nooses, ready to be hung. One was a red-head, one a brunette, and the last was a blonde. A man from the crowd stepped forward and asked, "Winifred Sanderson?"

"Yes?" Winnie said, in a somewhat innocent tone.

"I will ask thee one final time."

" Yes?"

"What has thou done with my son, Thackary?"

" Thackary? Hmm…"

"Answer me!"

" Well, I don't know. Cat's got my tongue."

The three witches started laughing at their internal joke.

Sarah, the blonde, tried adjusting her noose a bit. Kind of hard to do when your hands are tied up as well.

"This is terribly uncomfortable." She said.

Winnie addressed her sisters, "Sisters, sing. "

They start chanting something mostly incoherent.  
The man who was asked the previous questions turned to the crowd and said, "Cover your ears! Listen to them not!"

A man holding what looks like a 'book' bound in human skin, throws it down to cover his ears and the book lands right at Winifred's feet. It opens up and she sees the spell that it revealed to her.

"Fools! All of you! My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallow's Eve when the moon is round, a virgin shall summon us from under the ground. Oh, we shall be back. And the lives of all the children shall be mine." She started laughing, evilly and maniacally.  
Mr. Unnamed Question Man gives the signal and the barrels that the sisters are standing on are kicked out from under them.

(fade out of Salem)

October 31, 12 A.K. – 08:55 PM – Konohagakure

The twins were walking home from the dango stand when they heard a noise, akin to a woman's scream times 3, coming from an alley a few feet from where they were. They gave each other a look, and shrugged. Thinking 'what the hell', and hearing some more noises from said alleyway, they decided to investigate, taking out a couple of kunai knives for a precaution.

Three women appared, each wearing a different colored cloak. Haruhi thought they were funny looking ANBU, while Kyo thought they were enemy ninja. The three women blinked, having expected to be in hell. They looked to the twins and the red head smiled. "Hello children. Wouldst thou tell us where we are?"

Haruhi looked to the woman then to Kyo. She swirled her index finger by her head with a sad look. Kyo snickered softly. "Lady, you talk funny. We should report you to the Hokage." Haruhi said, finally looking at the obviously annoyed ginger.

The blond, who was playing with her shapely chest up until that point, looked at the twins. "What's a hokage?" She asked.

Haruhi sweatdropped and Kyo shook his head. "Come on crazy ladies. We'll take you to him." The twins led the three strange women to the hokage building and into his office, not bothering to knock. Inside the office there sat Tsunade, looking through the old man's former desk looking for a pen. Instead she was chucking orange books across the room with a scowl. There seemed to be a never ending supply of the things flying from her. Haruhi and Kyo dodged, but the three weirdos were pelted by books. "Hey Baa-chan~! These freaks here are lost and have no idea what's going on." Kyo said, leaning against the door.

Haruhi was eyeing the 'freaks' warily. They smelled funny, and evil, but mostly like a cat. She sniffed the air, seemingly in disdain, but was really just wondering where the smell of cat was from. As she was distracted, Tsunade was trying to figure out what to do with the three women, who told her their names and that they were witches. She got a promise from them to only steal the souls of children from the sound village, and they could live in a lovely cottage near the river 5 miles from the village, along with 5 acres of land to grow plants and such. The three witches believed this to be acceptable, except for Sarah. She was hitting on Kyo.

Haruhi looked up and beat the blond in the head. "Kyo-niichama is in a relationship you harpy. Leave him alone." She puffed out her cheeks angrily.

Sarah laughed softly and patted the young kitsunes on the heads. "Silly kids. I'm just having fun." Haruhi glared and Kyo just looked bored.

Kakashi was called in and Sarah's attention was drawn to the older man. The silver haired jounin was at their mercy and had to take them to their home. It would be torturous for him. The twins suddenly had a newfound liking for the Sanderson sisters. Haruhi even asked Winifred, who asked to be called Aunt Winnie, for tips on torturing the scarecrow. Kyo too asked for tips, both believing that it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship and the start of a wicked day.

~Two Weeks Later~

Haruhi and Kyo had spent another night with the Sanderson sisters. Kyo opened up the window and took a deep breath. "Another glorious morning! It makes me sick!"

Winifred looked at the young boy with something akin to pride in her eyes. "Oh Kyo, you make your Auntie Winnie so proud!"

Haruhi giggled and was helping Mary stir a cauldron, making a potion to help the sisters be young and beautiful so they could stay around and help make people's lives a living Hell. "Auntie Winnie, your potion is almost done!" She called happily.

Winifred glided over and they finished the potion. "Now… who to test it on?" Winifred wondered.

The twins looked at each other with grins and Kyo disappeared. He returned with two candidates. The Banshee and Emo Queen, otherwise known to the rest of Konoha as Sakura Haruno and Sasuke Uchiha. "Pick them, Pick them!" Kyo said excitedly.

Winifred gave him another proud look and effectively killed Sasuke and Sakura, Haruhi had already dug graves in the woods. There they buried the two annoyances and lives peaceful lives with their new aunts, wreaking havoc on Kakashi and any who they felt needed a lesson in never pissing off a kitsune.


	3. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

/LETS DO A TIMESKIP!/

Twelve years have passed, leaving some rather humorous memories. Kushina had woken up and found herself alone in the room. Naruto, Kyo, Haruhi, Minato, and Kyuubi were all gone. There was a scroll on her lap, forged by the council, declaring them all dead. This caused the flaming habanero to leave the village, thinking nothing was keeping her there anymore. So she went to live with Tsunade and Shizune for a few years. Meanwhile, the council dumped the three kids in an unnamed orphanage, registering them as siblings and taking special care to mention Naruto's _special_ condition. When the siblings celebrated Naruto's fourth birthday, a pretty blonde woman with huge knockers came to the place of the dam- ah, uh, I mean… orphanage, and adopted three children. Siblings, in fact: Naruto, Haruhi, and Kyo Uzumaki. The following day, all of the Uzumaki's were back together. The next year, Kyo and Haruhi graduated from the Konoha Shinobi Academy and were placed on a team led by a young (and stunningly beautiful) Anko Mitarashi. The two fell in love with their sensei, and the three would spend countless hours discussing their favorite torture methods, becoming the first Team 9.

Now, Team 9 has merged with another small team forming Team 666 (kukuku…). On this team was Hotaru Hyuuga of the Main Branch, and Yuki Inuzuka, along with her wolf pup (A/N: look for the story "How Yuki Met Yami" to find out why she has a wolf and not a dog). Both being a year older than their precious Naru-chan, Hotaru and Yuki are now chunin.

Currently, Team 666 was at the training field chatting, once again, about their favorite way to castrate someone.

"No, no, no. The best way is nice and swift with a kunai, severing the major artery, leading to a bloody and quick death."

"Oh, please. The best way is to use your claws and rip them off, shoving them into various orifices, causing the person extreme discomfort and to chock to death."

A short distance away, Mitarashi Anko, proud sensei of Team 666, was listening in on her students' conversation, grinning madly and proudly at the gruesome… yet deliciously stunning torture techniques her students described.

Yuki paused the twins' debate. "We were only talking about castration, not torturing someone WITH castration!"

The twins blinked blankly, then said in unison, "so? This is ten times more fun!"

Hotaru giggled softly at the Uzumaki twins' antics, "Well I have to go and pick up Hinata. Yuki, want to come along?"

The young Inuzuka nodded and they left, leaving the twins.

Kyo blinked and shook his head. "I'm going to go and bother good ol' Iruka. See ya sis!" He grinned and was gone in a swirl of black flames.

Haruhi sighed and thought about what she should do. She sat on the grass, playing with the slightly charred remains from Kyo's transportation as she thought.

Anko saw her student sitting there and grinned. The girl was almost legal, rather shapely, and a bit of a masochist. These qualities made the sadistic snake woman grin. It was hard for her to find masochists in Konoha, and one fell right into her lap at a young age, allowing the perverted woman to shape her into the perfect BDSM uke, who also knew how to be assertive and a seme when Anko wanted one. Anko just had to take the sexually innocent girl and teacher to be… naughty.

(Author 2: Scene change. NOW!)

Kyo appeared in a silent swirl of black flames in front of the door to Iruka's classroom, grinning in an excited, yet sadistic, and some-how evil, grin. Not only was he going to bother Iruka, but since it _was_ Naruto's graduation day, he wanted to see Naru-chan pass… then tease him about his possible teammates afterwards. After all, why shouldn't he? He was the fishcakes older brother, it was his job to tease him. As he reached for the doors knob, he turned on the hidden camera in his headband and the mic in his Ibiki-style trench coat. The rest of the family would want to see this, and if he timed it right, the paper tests should be ending and the physical test would be next. Snickering, he knocked on the door.

Iruka's friendly, innocent voice came from the other side, "Come in!"

Kyo licked his lips. 'he would make an excellent uke.' "Iruka-sempai was wondering if I could help supervise the exam."

"Why?" Iruka asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

'So cute!' "What? Can't I see my baby brother graduate?" Said Kyo, smiling like the fox he is and cocking his head to the side.

Iruka and the girls in the class blushed hard (GASP!).

'Damn! I can never say no to that! Control yourself Iruka. You only have to deal with that damnably sexy grin for a couple more hours.' Fighting back the blush, Iruka answered back. "Fine, I guess you can stay."

"Sweet."

Kyo looked around, analyzing the genin hopefuls, until he say a mop of blonde hair trying to hide under the desk. He smirk, "Hello, otouto." The whole class looked at Naruto. "Good luck on the exam. Kami-sama knows what Kaa-san and Haru-chan will do to you if you fail again." Naruto tried to hide further under his desk, his face looking like a glowing strawberry. Kyo was grinning so much, it looked like his mouth was about to fall off, sprout legs and jump out of the window. But it didn't last long, due to a certain pink slut(A/N: *cough*Sakura*cough*).

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? NARUTO-BAKA'S AN ORPHAN! BESIDES HE'S TOO STUPID TO DESERVE A FAMILY!" screeched the pink abomination sitting near Emo Queen. Everybody covered their ears, except Kyo who was on the floor, writhing in pain. Pinky kept going until Kyo threw a kunai, blunt-end first, at her head knocking her out. He stood up shakily, using the teacher's desk as support, his ears bleeding. He looked at Iruka, "how could you stand to have her for five years without losing your hearing, Iruka-sempei? I would have cut her vocal cords the first day."

Iruka held out a pair of ear plugs, " these help somewhat."

Kyo took them and put them in, "much better."

At this point, Iruka decided to speak to the class. "Alright, let's get started…"

(Author 1: Scene Change Biznatch!)

Haruhi was sitting under a tree when Anko appeared. "Haruhi! As part of your ninja training, I must teach you the facts of life!" Haruhi gave her a blank look. "The birds and the bees." Blink, blink. "SEX!"

"Haha! You said sex!" Haruhi giggled, then paused. "Shouldn't we wait for Kyo, Hotaru, and Yuki?"

Anko grinned , thinking of the best way to embarrass her cadets _and_ Iruka. "Of course! And we'll do this tomorrow with Iruka's help!"

Haruhi saluted before standing up. The seventeen year old girl smiled at her friend and sensei; though, she had an awkward feeling in her stomach. It felt like butterflies on roller-skates were flying on jet packs and moshing. It was just like when she saw Itachi yesterday, and it confused her greatly. It was definitely she had to talk to Father and Aunt Ku-Ku about…that, and explain to Naru about how she and Kyo were actually Naru-chans cousins. So much talking!

Anko stared at her silent protégé. "Haru-chan?" She asked softly, a little worried her future uke was broken. Haruhi looked up at Anko and blinked.

"Yes Anko-sensei?"

Anko practically melted, her mind going to naughty places Haruhi would be mewling her name. Anko blinked. Mewling? Where did _that_ come from? (A2/n: Yes where did that come from?)

"Are You OK?"

Haruhi nodded. "Yeah, I should head home and start dinner. Kami knows nobody there can cook."

Anko was almost drooling at the thought of life with Haruhi, where the younger girl would cook and be her sex-slave. Oh, nope. She _is_ drooling.


	4. Omake 2

Sasuke's Three Horrors

It was a typical night outside, a full moon high in the sky, shining its red color upon a mostly sleepy Konoha. I say mostly sleepy because Emo-que- I mean, Sasuke was having trouble sleeping, tossing and turning in his sleep. He decided to walk to the training grounds and enjoy the night. As he passed the Shinobi Academy on his way, he saw a 2nd floor classroom light on, shining through a slightly askew window. Deciding to investigate, he walked inside, climbed up the stairs, and opened the door, just enough to see through.

To his utter surprise, shock, horror, (delight for those who normally question his sexual preferences (he is straight in this, it wouldn't be as funny otherwise)) whatever you prefer, he saw 10 people in the room: Ino, Sakura, Hinata, Narrator, Kiba, Shino, Choji, Lee, Neji, and (surprisingly) Sai. Just having these people in the room wasn't what scared him though. No, what scared him was the fact that all of the boys were in cheerleader outfits, pom-poms and ponytails (extensions added). On the girls side was a High Definition Video Camera manned by Sakura, Hinata acting as Boom operator, and Ino sitting in a director's chair with a stereo at her feet, playing a rather… interesting choice of music… with the boys singing (and dancing!) along, Naruto as lead:

"Oh, Sasuke, you're so fine

You're so fine you blow my mind

Hey, Sasu

Hey, Sasu

Oh, Sasuke, you're so fine

You're so fine you blow my mind

Hey, Sasu

Hey, Sasu

Oh, Sasuke, you're so fine

You're so fine you blow my mind

Hey, Sasuke

Hey, Sasuke

You've been around all night

And that's a little long

You think you've got the right

But I think you've got it wrong

Why can't you say goodnight

So you can take me home, Sasuke

'Cause when you say you will

It always means you won't

You're givin' me the chills, baby

Please, baby don't

Every night you still leave me alone, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, what a pity

You don't understand

You take me by the heart

When you take me by the hand

Oh, Sasuke, you're so pretty

Can't you understand?

It's guys like you, Sasuke

Oh, what you do, Sasu, do, Sasu

Don't break my heart, Sasuke

Hey, Sasuke

Now when you take me by the hooves

Who's ever gonna know

And every time you move

I let a little more show

There's something you can use

So don't say no, Sasuke

So come on and give it to me anyway you can

Anyway you want to do it

I'll take it like a man

Oh, please baby, please

Don't leave me in the damn, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, what a pity

You don't understand

You take me by the heart

When you take me by the hand

Oh, Sasuke, you're so pretty

Can't you understand?

It's guys like you, Sasuke

Oh, what you do, Sasu, do, Sasu

Don't break my heart, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, you're so fine

You're so fine, you blow my mind

Hey, Sasuke,

hey, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, you're so fine

You're so fine, you blow my mind

Hey, Sasuke,

Hey, Sasuke,

Oh, Sasuke, you're so fine

You're so fine, you blow my mind

Hey, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, what a pity

You don't understand

You take me by the heart

When you take me by the hand

Oh, Sasuke, you're so pretty

Can't you understand?

It's guys like you, Sasuke

Oh, what you do, Sasu, do, Sasu

Don't break my heart, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, what a pity

You don't understand

You take me by the heart

When you take me by the hand

Oh, Sasuke, you're so pretty

Can't you understand?

It's guys like you, Sasuke

Oh, what you do, Sasu, do, Sasu

Don't break my heart, Sasuke

Oh, Sasuke, what a pity

You don't understand

You take me by the heart

When you take me by the hand

Oh, Sasuke, you're so pretty

Can't you understand?

It's guys like you, Sasuke

Oh, what you do, Sasu, do, Sasu

Don't break my heart, Sasuke" –

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasu-gay screamed as he snapped open his eyes and shot forward from his sleeping position on the bed. "A nightmare" he gasped, "it was all just a nightmare. Thank Kami-sama."

Sasuke went back into a supine position, getting ready for another attempt for the much sought-after REM sleep. His concentration was broken, however when a rustling noise was heard from the closet facing his bed. He turned away, pretending as if he didn't hear it. Another noise was heard from the same source, the sound akin to someone licking their lips. Curiosity intrigued (and a little creeped out), he got out of bed, turned on the lights (so he can see! Not all ninja have night-vision!), walked over to the closet, and flung it open, revealing nothing but darkness. Weird, since the rest of the room had plenty of light. Shrugging, Sasuke was about to close the door, when a very long, Gene Simmons-like tongue sailed out of the darkness wand wrapped itself around his wrist before dragging him into the closet. The door closed ominously by itself, a somewhat perverted chuckle coming out of the storage room, "kukukukuku…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasu-gay screamed as he snapped open his eyes and shot forward from his sleeping position on the bed. "Another nightmare" he gasped, "that glass of milk I had before bed didn't help at all."

He once again prepared to go back to sleep, eyes closed and breathing steady, until he sensed a presence underneath his bed. His eyes opened slowly, turning towards the edge of the bed, only to see none-other-than Itachi head slowly creeping out of the bed's underside.

"Hello… Little Brother… I've been watching you… from afar… you have been a bad boy… bad boys need to be punished…" With that, Itachi glided out from the bed underside to reveal him wearing a rubber BDSM suit, holding a whip in one hand and red fuzzy handcuffs in the other. (queue Rihanna's "S&M")

Suffice it to say that Sasuke was hiding under his bed covers, cowering and shaking in fear, repeating the same mantra over and over again, "it's just a dream, it's just a dream, it's only just a dream."

Itachi, holding a devious grin on his face, turned toward a very well hidden camera and winked. Turning back to Sasuke's direction, he said "this is not a dream Sasuke. It is, in fact, very real. THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR EATING MY ENTIRE POCKY STOCK, BITCH!" A couple swats were heard from the street, as we- "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" – uh, apparently, as well as Sasuke's girly sque- "TAKE IT LIKE A PROPER SHINOBI, SASUKE!" … Ok, This is getting a little wei- "MORE! GIVE ME MORE, ITACHI!" That's it. I'm leaving. This is too gross for me. "Housekeeping?" … WTF?

"I need more lemon pledge…"

…..


End file.
